Coaches, Mentors, Therapists and Agents of Transformational Change we know all too well the power of words and how important communication is in our everyday existence
Great Communication = Great Results
I see clients every day, indeed I have absolutely amazing clients who challenge themselves and step up constantly, and how well we communicate with each other is paramount to the outcomes my clients achieve.
A lot of the work I do with my client’s focuses on language and communication and how to challenge the self-talk and inner critic that can be overwhelming at times. We work on identifying that self- talk, getting to the root cause of it, and making the communication far more effective and constructive.
Absolutely no-one is immune to this destructive and negative self-talk….A few months ago I decided I’d check back in with myself and I’ve spent some time reflecting on how I communicate with myself and to be honest, I was totally horrified with what I found….
In a small window of time during this period I wrote down some of my own self-talk just to see what it was:-
“Oh you idiot, what on earth were you thinking?”
“Are you serious, that isn’t gonna cut it”
“what if that’s not good enough for them ?”
“what if this doesn’t work ? there’s gotta be another way”
I couldn’t believe what I heard….
If anyone else spoke to me like that I would been mortified….I would not allow it and I know I couldn’t bite my tongue….I would HAVE to speak up….
Yet here I was….accepting this conversation from myself…not even thinking to question it….accepting it and striving even harder to please.
Through listening in and becoming aware of my self-talk, this revealed an inner critic who is demanding, intolerant, super-critical and loves putting me down…one I do not like at all, not even slightly.
I would never speak to someone else like this, and I would never allow myself to be spoken to like this by others….yet why on earth was I allowing me to speak to myself that way….it was unacceptable and the reality check I needed.
As someone who works with clients on setting goals, breaking through the barriers and overcoming obstacles a large part of our focus is on how we communicate with others and also ourselves.
What I hadn’t realized was that whilst I can challenge unhelpful beliefs and reframe things to be more optimistic and realistic a lot of the time….there are still times when that Inner Critic comes out to play….times when I am doing something new, when I’m outside my comfort zone and the self-doubt creeps up and the voice gets louder.
When did it become acceptable for me to use this tone and this language with myself ? I would never speak to others in such a way….
The fear of not being good enough can be tough to shift, however, having conscious awareness of this is a huge part of the battle.
I acknowledge where it comes from, and that it is there and can still choose to raise it’s ugly head at times….HOWEVER ….I too can choose not to allow this inner voice that type of conversation anymore.
Enough is Enough….
I am now choosing to ignore that voice and redirect it to be more considerate, empathetic, patient and encouraging of me and I am choosing to have a very different conversation from now on….
A conversation where I will be acknowledged for trying something new, encouraged to ‘give it my best shot’ and accept that I have done my best with the resources available to me…. with any further constructive feedback gratefully accepted and the challenge accepted to continue to be the best version of me possible…and I will always be a work in progress….a work with a solid foundation and one that is always willing to learn new ways of BEING.
What is Your Inner Voice saying about you? Post your comments below.